


A Piece of You that's Mine

by noorbauwens



Category: WTFock | Skam (Belgium)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Different First Meeting, Artist Sander, Bad Parenting, Coming of Age, Drug Addiction, Friends to Lovers, Graphic Description, Jealous Sander, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Sexual Content, Slow Burn, Underage Drinking, popular robbe, the broerrs include sander
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-18
Updated: 2021-02-20
Packaged: 2021-03-06 03:48:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 11,516
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25976959
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/noorbauwens/pseuds/noorbauwens
Summary: In an alternative universe where Robbe's life has taken a darker turn, Sander is there to help him stand back on his feet.This is a fic about drug addiction, inspired by the 1995 film "The Basketball Diaries"Please make sure that you've taken the tags into consideration before reading :)
Relationships: Sander Driesen/Robbe IJzermans
Comments: 45
Kudos: 107





	1. Introduction

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys! This chapter is short and mostly works as a trial to me personally,  
> as this is my first attempt to write fanfiction (quite obvious if you read it lol)  
> I have many ideas for this fic so it will be updated hopefully soon,  
> I just want to make sure that the next chapters are well written  
> and the plot will eventually get more complex too  
> I'm looking forward to your ideas,  
> they will all be taken into consideration x  
> Thanks for reading  
> ❤️❤️❤️

Robbe was a troubled kid when Sander first met him.

Sander was sixteen when he started wandering the infamous streets of Antwerp with his spray cans and camera after school, in order to explore the side of the city that his family would never let him step into. He would take shots of the buildings and the streets. He would listen to his music while biking there, or hide and watch a group of boys skating. The contrast between these boys and the boys at his school was major. Even if they were younger than him, he couldn’t help but feel a bit jealous of the type of fun they were having. He’d give everything to feel as free as them, to live the life of a common teenager.

Day after day he gained the courage to approach them, he even changed clothing so that he wouldn’t get mocked for his white button up shirt and his private school’s uniform. The fancy clothes got replaced by an old pair of his father’s black jeans and leather jacket- a souvenir from his youth, as he used to say- a simple white shirt and finally, a pair of Doc Martens that punk singers from the 70’s used to wear and Sander always dreamed of owning. His parents were loaded, so spending some of his allowance for something he wanted, other than weed, wouldn't be a big deal. His new outfit boosted his confidence, he enjoyed his individuality for the first time in his life. As if it was then that he separated himself from his peers at school, who were all dressed the same, and found his true identity.

After skipping classes once again, he arrived at the skate park and got a better view of the skaters. A guy with cool afro hair was dancing to the beat of a rap song, while another tall guy with black hair was encouraging him by clapping his hands to the rhythm. Then, another boy sitting in the corner where their skateboards were placed. The sight made Sander smile.

_Time to make your move. Introduce yourself Sander, the way you want to this time._

And so he did.

“Hi, nice moves.” he commented loud enough to make sure he could be heard as he walked closer.

“Hi dude, thanks” the guy said while forming a wide smile and turned his head to the taller one next to him. “Look Jens, someone finally appreciates my talent”

“My name is Moyo and this is Jens” he continued.

Jens greeted him with a smile as well, he seemed chill and friendly.

Sander shook hands with both guys ready to introduce himself, when a sound from the back interrupted him.

“Heyy!” It was the curly haired boy who looked after the skateboards, he run over to handshake Sander as well. “cool jacket man!”

“And this is Aaron” Moyo added with a cackle.

Sander laughed at Aaron’s excitement and finally introduced himself.

“Sander, nice to meet you guys”

“So what brings you here? Are you new? I haven’t seen you around before” Moyo asked.

Sander didn’t know what to answer, was he new in town? No, but he was new to this area of the town. So maybe yes.

“Ah yes… Kind of, I-” 

Jens phone rung suddenly. “Shit, it’s Robbe guys”.

“He should be here by now…” Moyo added.

Jens took a couple steps away to answer the phone, he seemed concerned with whatever the boy in the other end of the line was telling him. 

"Do what you do every time, ok? we're coming right now" that's the only thing Sander managed to hear from Jens. 

After the phone call ended, the boys didn’t have time to explain what was going on to Sander. Apparently their friend was in real trouble and they had to rush, he stuck by the guys and they run to Robbe’s place, where some man’s screams came from.

“Shit his dad is still inside. Follow me guys.” Jens commanded.

The house looked old and neglected, quite dystopian. Hadn’t Sander heard the noise he wouldn’t even imagine that people lived in it. But he snapped out of his thoughts when suddenly, a small figure made its way jumping from the window of the first floor to the grass of the back yard.

The guys run to him as soon as they spotted Robbe.

He was a 14-year-old skinny little boy with curly long hair that framed his innocent face, dressed in an orange worn-out jacket and pants that looked huge on him. When he lifted his face, Sander froze. He saw a pair of brown shiny eyes, stains of tears on his cheeks, a sad smile, thin pink lips, a fresh scar on his jaw and…

 _Robbe_ Sander thought, trying to relate the name with this boy right in front of him.

Robbe looked fragile.

Yet he was the most impressive person Sander had ever seen.

“Man you made it! You should’ve called sooner, we’d help” Moyo said and they made a group hug, but Robbe’s eyes were locked with Sanders who just stood there, then Aaron waved at him to join them.

He felt great, like he belonged somewhere even if he only knew those guys for 45 minutes.

“Are you ok Robbe?” Jens asked with a worried expression and Robbe nodded.

“Are you sure? Dude, what’s that?” Jens insisted, trying to hold Robbe’s jaw unsuccessfully as the latter stepped back instinctively, frowning.

“This is Sander by the way” Moyo quickly stated to clear the tension a bit.

Their eyes met again and there was nothing Sander wanted more than to know what secrets were hidden behind them.

He wanted to know what his voice sounded like.

He also wanted to know what happened inside this house and why Robbe was in this state.

He wanted to know what his hands feel like when they touch and what is going through his mind.

He wanted to know what Robbe thinks of him and what the first impression he had of him was.

He wanted to find out everything about him.

And he did.

***

Years passed and the scar that marked his jaw is barely noticeable now _._

Maybe not noticeable at all.

Maybe it is just impossible for Sander to view Robbe as anything but the sweet little boy he was when they first met instead of the attractive teenager that he has become.

Or maybe it’s just easier.

Well yes, it is definitely easier for Sander to overprotect Robbe, who he loves with his whole being, instead of sharing him or even worse, losing him.

He is unable of dealing with the fact that they’ve both grown, that it's time to admit his feelings for him, that Robbe can handle it, that Robbe should know and might even reciprocate the feelings before he finds someone else.

It's easier to not admit to him that to this day, he remains the most beautiful thing Sander has ever laid his eyes on. So beautiful that it hurts.

'Fucking handsome' as people actually whisper at parties that Sander hosts. And that hurts a bit more.

It hurts when girls and boys stare at him when he skates and or when he enters the Academy to find Sander. Even more so when he poses for them, because he used to pose for Sander and only.

He knows though, that Robbe is still the shy boy who blushes when he is asked by someone to have a picture taken of him. But on the other hand, he misses the times when the brunet would pose solely for his pictures, before he introduced him to his classmates who shortly after discovered how photogenic his angelic face is. 

It hurts that everyone stares at Robbe always, no matter what he does, yet Sander is the only one who can see through him. He knows who Robbe is and what he's been through and so he knows, better than anyone else, that inside this body that many desire hides an even more precious and sensitive heart that he can't trust anyone else with. Even if now everybody wants a piece of Robbe and Sander struggles to acknowledge that he is one of them too, he knows that he is the only one who already owns one but will always keep fighting to get more.


	2. Wasted Youth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW: The topic of this chapter is quite sensitive and the last thing I'd want is for you to feel uncomfortable reading it, so please please please make sure that you won't get triggered by it before you continue.  
> I would also advise you to take a look at the tags if you haven't,  
> in case you feel that this story might not be suitable for you.  
> ❤️❤️❤️

Smoke, lights, noise.

He could feel the beat of his heart vibrating through his body.

Not because of the music’s volume.

But because of him.

_Robbe._

_He’s probably too high to realize how many people are watching him as he makes his way through the crowd, from the alley behind the club to the center of the dance floor, during that stupid school party._

Everybody could recognize his delicate figure at Koninklijk Atheneum Berchem.

A skater boy, olive skin, light brown messy curls that cup his slim face matching his eye color and skin tone perfectly. A jawline that could cut, an innocent look on his eyes, thin pink lips, a bit of stubble on his chin, a sad smile forming adorable laugh lines, and those slightly -somehow attractive- crooky teeth.

A sixteen-year-old wet dream.

Not many have heard his voice, but those who have claim that it’s a unique combination of soft and hoarse.

A mysterious guy.

The type that magnetizes everyone wanting to get to know him better, unsuccessfully, as he always seems to be avoiding people.

Rumors have been sparking throughout the time he’s been attending KAB. Even more now that he skips classes frequently.

Some people claim he is the secret son of a politician who doesn’t want to ruin his reputation so he sends him to a public school under a different family name. Others claim that his mother is the headmistress and that’s why he is so quiet yet liked by all teachers.

He and the Broerrs make videos on YouTube sometimes, but he is only featured skating on them, making it impossible to gather any sort of information about him.

Overall, no one really knows who he is.

Except Sander.

_Except me._

“What?” Robbe asked as soon as he reached the bar to find Sander, who stares at him absent-minded.

“Nothing, I’m just thinking” _His pupils are constricted._

“What are you thinking?” Robbe smiles.

“How lame this party is, don’t you want to go home?” Sander asks, a bit ambivalent on whether he should ask this question or not. He could definitely tell something was off with Robbe.

“Ehm, not really” Robbe looked like a wreck, but he continued smiling when his eyes met Sander’s worried ones.

“Well, I think we should go, it’s late and-” Sander doesn’t manage to finish the sentence.

“Why don’t you go home then? I’ll stay” Robbe offers. His lovely pleading expression makes it so hard to object, but Sander is too concerned to obey it this time.

“No way Robbe. You look tired, we’re going home.” Sander’s unable to hold back his demanding tone anymore. 

“I’m not leaving yet” Robbe remains calm somehow. It might be thanks to the fact that it’s almost 2 am and Sander can tell he’s getting sleepy. _But why is he insisting so much?_

“I don’t get it! You would’ve left by now any other time, what changed? It’s not like you’re having fun and neither do I. All you’ve been doing since we came here is hiding in the back to get stoned. Do you really think I didn’t notice?” Robbe’s expression changes, he is getting upset.

“Mind your own business Sander!”

“Don’t talk to me like that! Robbe, what’s going on with you tonight?” Sander sits up from the stool. “I can’t let you wander the streets all alone into the night, it’s dangerous!” he yelled. “Also you promised me something and now- ugh look, look at the state of you. We’re leaving!”

“Stop acting as if you’re my father Sander!” Robbe yelled back, unsettled, ready to turn his back and leave, but the blond quickly grabbed his wrist abruptly.

“Well maybe somebody should!”

_Shit,_

_why the fuck am I like that?_

Robbe’s reddish eyes were getting watery as they focused on Sander’s like they were begging him to stop. The view broke his heart into a thousand pieces, it was one of the worst moments he had ever witnessed. Never in a million years would he wish to make Robbe look at him like that, so helpless, so small.

His sight travelled for a quick moment around the bar and some people had noticed what was going on, but he didn’t give a damn about them. He only cared about the person in front of him, who he just hurt.

A tear rolled down Robbe’s cheek as he closed his eyes. Sander released Robbe’s wrist carefully, dragging his fingers on his palm and caressed it in order to calm the other boy down, who was getting more and more upset by each second. It was then, Robbe turned his head as Sander tried to reach out for his cheek and run away from him, shoving people out of his way, longing for some privacy.

Sander followed him instinctively, until a body blocked his way, preventing him from reaching Robbe.

“Woah, what happened?” Jens asked curiously.

“Stay out of it Jens!” Sander didn’t have time to waste, if Jens was responsible this wouldn’t have happened. He pushed him back with force to hurry.

“Man, wait, why are you so mad?” Jens took hold of his shoulder.

“Because I told you to look after him! Where the fuck were you?” 

“I left him with the rest of the guys outside when I saw Jana and-”

“Whatever, I don’t have time to waste for your shitty explanation” and with that, Sander left not minding what else Jens had to say. Robbe’s going through an extremely tough time and he needs protection. Even though he loves Jens, Moyo and Aaron he can’t help but wonder how they can be so irresponsible.

***

“I’m sorry ok?” Sander tries.

“I’m so fucking sorry, do you even hear me? Open the door Robbe!” Sander had spent the past seven minutes hopelessly knocking on _that fucking bathroom’s door_. 

“Leave me alone!” was the last thing he heard from a crying Robbe and that was already five minutes ago. Now he is starting to get really concerned, scared even. _What have you done Robbe?_

“Just talk to me so I can make sure you’re fine and I’ll leave, I promise.” His forehead against the door and breath shaking, trying to keep his cool, he uses a soft voice to say “Please Robbe, open the door for me”.

He keeps on knocking using as much strength as possible, the door won’t open but Sander is not the one to give up.

“Robbe answer me please!” _I won’t forgive myself if something happens to you and I am out here_.

Silence.

_Please give me a sign that you’re safe._

No sign.

“FUCK.”

He is angry, and worried, and angry, but most of all worried. His face has turned red and he is on the verge of crying, but that door is going to open even if he needs to break it.

“Sander, dude, what are you doing?” Moyo appears behind him.

“What do you think?” a furious Sander replies while he keeps on trying to break into the toilets.

“I don’t know, but I urgently need to piss” Sander doesn’t have time for that shit either.

“Robbe’s in there… I’m afraid he did something stupid” he explains out of breath.

A sudden wave of realization hits Moyo and his smile falls flat.

“Let me help” Sander nods.

They finally manage to break into the bathroom after violating the door handle, but there’s still no sign of Robbe.

Sander quickly approaches the first stall and leans down to see if there’s anyone there.

“Moyo tell Senne to hurry, we need the car and…” Sander can hear his own voice breaking when he meets with an unconscious Robbe.

“…I’ll carry him outside”

Sander covers his face with both hands and then wipes away the tears as Moyo’s now gone.

He enters the stall by jumping from the toilet next to the locked one, careful not to step on Robbe who’s laying close to his feet.

His skin the palest it has even been, full of sweat, eyes closed, mouth agape. He looks like a masterpiece, broken into a thousand pieces.

_How did I let this happen?_

_You needed me and I wasn’t there._

_Don’t leave me._

_Don’t you dare leave me ok?_

***

It’s funny how Sander believes that he is the director of his own life. He often forgets the unexpected turn of events that come with it.

One of these times was when he went on about admiring Robbe after escaping from the police once and the reaction he got from him was not what he quite expected.

“What’s there to admire? The boys and I are just wasted. Do you think I chose this way of living? Though for you this is just fun, isn’t it? You just want to discriminate yourself from the rest, the rich spoiled kids you went to school with, but for us there was no other option in the first place. If something goes wrong you will make it, but we won’t”

Shortly after Robbe apologized for his aggressiveness to Sander. He said he didn’t mean it, that he just had a bad day and that he lashed out to Sander but regretted it immediately. And Sander forgave him, but the words stuck inside his brain ever since. _Truth hurts._

And one of these times is also now.

“Luka will drive Robbe to the hospital accompanied by Zoe”, the two people Senne reassured Sander he trusts the most.

“You won’t come with us?” she asks surprised.

“No I can’t… I have something else to take care of.” Sander gestures for them to go.

Then immediately turns to Moyo and Jens.

“Moyo please tell me who you saw out here. Who was he talking to?”

“Matt...” Moyo replies.

Matt is Britt’s older brother. Everyone knows he deals, he is the one that provides the Broerrs with weed since middle school, when Britt used to date Jens. She has also dated Sander in the past. Sander and Matt never really talked during that short period of time their relationship lasted, but things got awkward after he dumped her. It was when Britt started saying things like “Friends don’t spend the night together when they have girlfriends Sander!” and “Why do you spend more time with him than with me?” Sander got tired of her possessiveness, she didn’t own him. Also, who he spend his time with was his business, and her behavior towards Robbe made it hard for him to realize that it was actually normal for her to be jealous. What crossed the line though, was when she decided to matchmake Robbe with her best friend, Noor. It was then Sander ended whatever it was that they had for good.

Sander follows the guys to the infamous alley near the club to find Matt.

“What did you sell Robbe about an hour ago?” Sander asks him from afar.

“Robbe? I didn’t even see him tonight.” Matt acting ignorant.

Sander can’t waste any more time “Don’t lie to me Matt, he is on his way to the hospital as we talk. What the fuck is he on? I know you don’t like me, but Robbe is not to pay the price-”

“I did not sell anything to him Sander, I swear. I’ve known Robbe for years and I would never risk it with him. If anything, I hope he gets better because he is a really nice guy. Also when it comes to you and Britt, I know that you broke her heart but still, I am kind of glad you broke up, it’s better for her too.”

“I think he’s telling the truth Sander” Jens admits, knowing Matt the longest of them all.

Sander nods, sending a warning glare to Matt as he is about to leave.

“Sander wait…” Matt seems hesitant “There’s a guy that used to compete me a lot. We both started off selling weed but later on he brought more stuff around and since then he goes after my clients. His name is Noah”

“Noah?” Senne turns to Matt “I know him too, he is involved with my brother, the guy is a douche”.

“Shit.” A recent memory flashes through Sander’s eyes.

****

_The early hours of Saturday were arriving as the usual wild late-night Friday party toned down and I was looking for Robbe in the balcony, where he usually chills after his drinking compilation with guests that have left by now._

_I couldn’t be more proud of him for his progress. Last week was more than tough for him, after another series of events that pushed him back into his dark hole, he finally seemed in peace again._

_“You’re High” by Agar Agar was playing and I snorted when I spotted him, because he was high indeed, laying on the hammock he shares with me every time. I joined him and a smile formed on my lips when I realized that Robbe hadn’t opened his eyes yet, but already made space for me._

_A couple minutes passed peacefully when I decided to break the silence._

_“Remember when we taped you to that wall? Maybe we should make another YouTube video, it was fun! Why did we stop anyway?”_

_“School… you had exams too, remember? Also it wasn’t that much fun for me” Robbe giggled._

_“Noooo! Come on, you looked so tiny and cute!” I ended the sentence with a squeaky voice to tease Robbe._

_“Sanderrr! I’m not tiny!” Robbe shoved my shoulder and I gave him a side look, holding my laugh “Yes, you are!” and placed my arm around Robbe’s waist to pull him closer as we laid together and the soft breeze traced our skin._

_“It might sound stupid, but I’m happy with you” he told me._

_“I’m happy too” a kiss on the cheek, “very happy”._

_I’m in love with you._

_But I can’t tell you yet. It’s not the right time, you’re going through a lot._

_You need someone to help you, not to jump you._

_Although I’d love to do both to you so fucking much._

_You do things to me too. You’re driving me crazy._

_“Do you think we meet each other in every universe?” he asked after a moment of silence._

_“Definitely. Because you’re my soulmate, every version of ourselves carries the same soul in every universe, thus the spirit of the person we share it with” I explained as I had the answer drafted in my mind for whenever Robbe decided to ask._

_“Am I your soulmate?” Robbe whispered and slightly turned to face me._

_“Aren’t you?” Our faces almost touched._

_Robbe didn’t reply he just smiled and leaned forward to caress my cheek with his nose._

_I got goosebumps by the feeling and leaned even closer, until our lips accidentally brushed and we both stopped moving._

_I could feel his hitching breath on my skin as he lied under me._

_I placed my palm on his jaw and with a swift move hovered above him, and kissed it, felt the passion of doing something forbidden without minding the consequences._

_And Robbe moaned in response. The sweetest melody._

_But then, he grabbed my hair with force to disconnect us._

_And looked me in the eyes with an unbearable expression, just like saying “Don’t” and placed his palm in my mouth._

_I kissed it and then dragged it to his belly afterwards._

_Robbe fell asleep in my arms that night._

_It’s those moments I want to fill my life with, I though. That’s when I felt the most happy and I didn’t care about anything bad that has happened or might happen in the future. A rare moment during which, my mind was completely free of worries._

_But then, as I was tracing his soft skin, I noticed something._

_Itching marks on his beautiful skin._

_Is this a spring allergy?_

_Could it be…?_

“He is probably here tonight, I can get you to him.”

“Do it.” Sander assures Matt.

***

“You..." Sander turns to the tall guy.  
  
"Sander be careful, he will try to provoke you into a fight, whatever he says, don't give in. His friends are dangerous and we are not in a place to mess with them." Senne warns him.  
  
“What did you give Robbe tonight?” Sander gets closer not minding Senne.  
  
“I don't know what you're talking about”  
  
“You know damn well. What is he on?” Sander gets angrier.  
  
"Aw, you talking about that junkie with the pretty face?" Noah laughs sarcastically.

“You piece of shit” Sander wishpers as he pushes the dirty blonde guy to the wall with force.

“Wait, is he your little bitch?” Noah continues.

Senne tries to take hold of Sander before he punches that guy, “We’re not here to get in trouble Sander, remember?” Sander knows that it’s any dealer’s fault that Robbe did what he did, but that doesn’t change the fact that the guy is such an asshole, making it unavoidable to resist beating the shit out if him.

“Look Blondie, you’re lucky because it’s a busy night and the more you’re standing here, I lose potential money, so let me help, your babe is more into H than into you. Sad huh?”

“But he had no trace marks…” Sander recalls the image of Robbe.

“He probably injected between his fingers, you can’t really see them” Noah dropped the irony finally.

Sander nods “How long?”

“A couple weeks”

_I was blind for two fucking weeks._

“Why did you sell it? He is only sixteen”

“I think you know the answer to that, I’m not responsible for his life, you seem to know how things works in our world. My only purpose is to make a living, I don’t care how.” Sander has so many things to reply to that, but doesn’t have the courage to do so.

Sometimes life seems so simple, yet so complex and he struggles to realize how things work in it. Why does it have to be that way? Why are some people born rich while others have to cope to survive, when money is made by humans? Why does money matter so much in the first place? So many unanswered questions, his brain is about to explode. He feels sick.

“Let’s go Sander” Senne drags him away from Noah.

“I don’t feel very well” Images of Robbe laying on that floor flash through Sanders brain. 

Sander has a bitter taste on his mouth that is threatening to come out and he is nauseous, so he runs to the closest bin on the side of the street and starts vomiting.

_How did we get here?_

_I’ve got everything I wanted so far, friends, art, a reputation, rush, the life I’ve always dreamed of and you…you make me feel constant dissatisfaction, like I’ve managed nothing at all. What am I going to do with all of that if you’re not by my side? Everything is boring when we don’t share it._

_What will the use of my art be if my muse is missing?_

_What is the essence of life without you, when you are my only purpose?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading, I hope you liked the way the story turns out 💕
> 
> I am really unsure of whether it was a good idea to make it that dramatic so soon lol  
> and I've no idea if it was too short or too long but I just didn't want to get out of context.
> 
> Don't forget to comment your opinions, give ideas or reach out to me on Tumblr @anecstasia if you want :)


	3. After Dark

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You've probably thought this fic will never get updated (and rightly so), but here it is (!!).  
> After an inexcusably long inspirational gap, I'm back to finish this mess and hopefully do it decently.  
> I am really sorry for the people who liked the story and were looking forward to this chapter for making you wait this long, I appreciate every single person reading this and I really hope you like this chapter and the form the story is taking 🥰
> 
> TW: This story contains some sensitive topics, like drug use and overdose. I personally haven't experienced any of these, but I got inspiration from films and books such as "Christiane F.", "Basketball Diaries", "Beautiful Boy" and "Candy" among others to write the story. Additionally, I drew information from interviews of people who have overcome drug addiction and scientific articles regarding its effects on human body. If you don't feel comfortable reading about it, I would advise you not to do it. If you decide to read this story, feel free to ask me any questions or give feedback, it would be extremely appreciated! Thank you ❤

A shadow is approaching, covering the lighten street in front of him.

“Sander, are you ok?” Senne is standing right beside him.

He can’t tell how much time has passed while he is hovering over that street lamp.

“Yeah, let’s go” Senne doesn’t seem persuaded but he lets it go anyway.

“They didn’t go to the hospital” Senne says in a whispery voice once they get in the car and it takes some seconds for Sander to process the words. _What does this mean? Why didn’t Zoe drive Robbe to the hospital? What if he… didn’t make it to the hospital?_

“What?” Sander makes a small sound in an attempt to ask for more information, but his heart is beating increasingly fast through his chest and he suddenly feels as if his lungs are numb, so he takes a deep breath to readjust himself before continuing.

“Where are they?” his vice comes out shaky although he tried to fight it.

“At Matt’s, he called Lukas right after you talked to him... It was too late, Matt knows about that stuff and he had Naloxone. The hospital was too far to risk it so they picked him up and drove to his house. Zoe called me, she said it worked.”

Senne turns to face Sander who looks at him through his watery crystal green eyes, sitting in the passenger seat incredibly still.

“Hey, Robbe is okay... We are going there now, you will see” Senne reassures him.

Sander nods and reciprocates a small smile in order to thank him. It’s the least he can do to show his friend that he is grateful for being there now. The truth is Senne has always been there for Sander like a brother, he is probably the only person form school that Sander has kept in his life after graduating.

***

Matt, Lukas, Senne and Zoe are talking in the balcony, not very far from where Sander has been standing on his knees, next to the sofa where Robbe is currently resting covered in a blanket. Lukas is trying hard to be discreet, but Sander could tell he is curiously watching them, probably still socked from what he had witnessed before Sander and Senne arrived. On the other hand though, Matt isn’t all that discreet at all, he doesn’t mind showing his interest apparently: supervising Robbe, often throwing glances over the two boys to make sure everything is under control, or even asking Sander if he wants to take some rest, letting him know he they can switch positions anytime.

Matt had apparently heard the rumors. News travel fast, especially due to the fact that the whole school had always been interested in Robbe’s mysterious family life. The teachers had never seen his parents at school, as they had never stepped a foot in there, not even when the school would call home to inform them that their son was absent, nor to receive Robbe’s grades in the end of every school term. However, everybody had noticed that something had clearly affected him lately. Robbe was skipping classes more frequently than he used to and when he was in class he would not participate at all. He had become aggressive and distant, the Broers were upset but they let it go, hoping that sooner or later their friend would go back to normal. Britt, who is in the same class as him, probably told her brother Matt as he was able to tell where Robbe’s recent peculiar behavior came from. After Sander confronted him outside the club, he got confirmation of his assumptions on the younger boy’s condition and knew exactly what to do.

Although Matt told Sander not to worry because it will take some time for Robbe to recover completely, the blonde boy is afraid to let his eyes focus anywhere else than on the young boy. He is pale, his eyes are fighting to stay open, looking straight at Sander who is trying to keep him up by squeezing his palm and repeating the boy’s name over and over again. His senses are coming back one by one as the time passes, but the silence is killing Sander and the guys outside are trying to be as quiet as possible to avoid creating tension, for they know Sander is already too anxious, but it still doesn’t help. It doesn’t make this situation seem any less hard.

“He is not completely conscious yet” Britt’s voice takes Sander aback, making him raise his head to face her without having anything to say back. She is standing behind the couch where Robbe was lying with a glass of water in her left hand.

“Yes, I know” he looks back at Robbe who has shut his eyes again, making less progress than Sander expected which is worrying, not that the older boy has any experience or knowledge on overdose recovery, but if Matt wasn’t there to check on them frequently, he would most probably freak out.

“Sander, I-” Britt’s voice sounds shaky as she comes closer, making Sander frown. He wonders why she is here, it’s obviously her house, but that doesn’t mean that she shouldn’t avoid talking to him _now,_ because now is definitely not the most appropriate moment to discuss with his ex about their failure of a relationship that he is so glad it’s finally over.

“Not now Britt, seriously” he interrupts her before she comes sit down next to him on the floor. He is not in the mood for a show, no tears or yelling, but she stops before he says anything more. When Sander glances at her again he is surprised, as he can tell she is not there to put on a show after all. She looks defeated as she observes his friend lying on the sofa for a few minutes without saying anything. At some point Sander swears he can see tears in the corner of her eyes.

Finally, she says “You know sometimes during the time we were together I wished he was dead” and she glances back at him, Sander is at a loss of words. He swallows hard and looks down on his free hand resting on his crossed-legs, scratching his jeans. _What is there to say?_ Britt is just a teenage girl, she never liked Robbe, but this has nothing to do with her.

“I had no idea, Sander. I’m sorry” her eyes are begging for forgiveness, she is obviously regretting all those times she screamed at Sander about spending too much time with Robbe. Although Sander knows that this is irrelevant, as Robbe’s drug use is something he only found out about some hours ago, yet his desire to spend most of his time with the young boy was always there.

His mouth is so dry, he doubts he is able to formulate any words right now, so he just nods, hoping that Britt gets it. _God, this is so weird._

“Watching all this unfold before you came here with Senne, it was socking to say the least. When Matt brought him here with the others and gave him the shot, I asked what was it and they told me ‘to bring him back’, only then I realized what was going on, that he wasn’t breathing... I have never witnessed anything like that before” she continued, speaking fast. “Anyway, I just want to tell you that whenever you need help, Matt is here, you know”

“Thank you” he replies sincerely. 

Sander had forgotten about it. The fact that Britt wasn’t at the party and the last thing she expected was to see Zoe, Lukas and Matt carrying Robbe to her living room in that state. Britt and Matt’s mother is a paramedic nurse and she is probably at the work now, Sander is grateful that Matt took immediate action by using her kit once he heard about Robbe from Sander. At the same time though, he is wondering how come he cares so much about Robbe, Matt’s words from outside the club echoing inside his head all over again _“I would never give anything like that to him”_ and _“I know Robbe and he is a good guy”._ Had Sander missed something?

***

Britt has been sitting on the corner of the couch, next to the one where Robbe is laying, hugging her legs with her arms while resting her head on her knees, completely silent, watching the brunet curiously. Sander has forgotten about her being there. In fact, he has forgotten about everyone, sitting there completely zoomed out, thinking about this one time he and Robbe broke into a museum just for fun, when everything was so much better than it is now. And then suddenly, Robbe stops lightly responding to his touch, a wave of panic washes over the older boy.

“Robbe? Do you hear me?” Sander quickly sits on his knees and tightens his grip on Robbe’s hand, holding his bicep with his other hand. Matt, watching from the balcony with the others, rushes back inside and grabs a light blue medical kit from the coffee table. Inside it, there was another shot of Naloxone.

“Can you open your eyes Robbe?” he asks as he rubs the skin around the area of the brunet’s chest while hovering over him and Sander. There is no response yet, Matt prepares the dose and injects it carefully inside Robbe’s nostril. The younger boy’s heavy breathing was painful to Sander’s ears. Zoe tries to not let it show, but she is getting anxious too, so Senne asks Lucas to drive her home, promising to call her as soon as Robbe wakes up and telling her not to worry when she insists that they call an ambulance.

The thing is, as far as Sander is concerned, Robbe’s parents are separated but not divorced. His father moved out of their house some years after his mother was diagnosed with schizophrenia and ever since, she has a hard time making a living out of the part-time jobs she manages to get. Although Sander has tried to find out more about it, Robbe would always turn the conversation over. After many unsuccessful attempts, the older boy decided to discretely offer Robbe an escape by inviting him to his house at nights to sleep over when things took the downturn at home. He also tried to offer Robbe financial support, but the latter never accepted it. He would rather get part-time jobs at the supermarket himself, or even steal goods from there instead of owning money to someone, which Sander couldn’t exactly understand, as money never a big deal to him. But if anything, he only admired his younger friend more for being who he was, so persistent and independent, almost proud of his ability to surpass every struggle life has set his way by himself.

However, Sander was now lost because Robbe wasn’t there to tell him that they will make it in the end, while laughing about how life is nothing but a joke and that they shouldn’t really take anything seriously in the end of the day. Instead Robbe is currently in a critical condition, his body spread on Matt’s sofa who is trying to keep him breathing.

If things don’t go well, Sander won’t have a choice but to drive him to the hospital. And if they go to the hospital for overnight supervision, Robbe will most likely end up in providence afterwards. An absent father, a mother with insufficient income, skipping school to work and involvement with drugs on top of that, Robbe is the exact type of teenager that providence programs are filled with. Moreover, Sander would not be able to handle it and nor would Mrs. IJzermans. Sander wouldn’t be his closest friend if he didn’t know that Robbe would never forgive him if he doesn’t do anything possible in order to keep him from going to the hospital. Even now, that he is coming around after risking his life.

Finally, Sander’s thoughts are cut off by the view of Robbe’s eyes opening again. More vivid this time, he is conscious and he is looking at him, so unaware of everything that’s going on, so innocent. 

“Sander…” a small voice leaves the younger boy’s lips.

“Hey” the blonde smiles as he places some strands of the brunet’s curly hair away from his brown eyes, to get a better view of them. He has already missed looking at them so incredibly much, he can’t avoid the tears from falling down his face anymore. For one moment he started thinking whether he would hear the sound of his name coming from Robbe ever again. He had lost hope, he had already started grieving, although he didn’t want to admit it. It is his brain that always has to make it like this, he can’t be optimistic for long, he is not that strong.

“Why are you crying?” the soft voice asked again and Sander was caught off guard, only then realizing his eyes hadn’t stopped releasing tears for a while. He then looked at Matt who had already informed him some time ago that Robbe won’t remember anything of what had happened before, he won’t remember that he had overdosed.

So the blonde decides to go with “It’s nothing” as he hugs the boy he was so afraid he had lost. Robbe was more active than he would think one would be after such an experience, he hugged Sander back as if everything was normal and without understanding much.

“We are going home now ok?” Sander added but he immediately got interrupted by Matt, who looked at him almost annoyed.

“No, you can’t go home with him!”

“What?” Sander scoffed, still holding the younger boy in his arms as they are both now sitting on the couch normally.

“He is going to develop withdrawal symptoms. He must be supervised”

“I can do that. I can take care of him” Sander replied completely serious.

“Sorry Sander but I don’t think that’s a good idea…” Britt steps in and Sander looks at her irritated. _Of course she would say that._ _As far as we know I can’t even take care of myself, thus how am I supposed to take care of someone else? Here is another thing Robbe would never say for example. Maybe another reason why Britt could never understand my connection with him. She is Britt after all, always there to remind everyone how incapable I am. She can’t even hold it back during a moment like this, when Robbe needs me the most._

  
“Sander, please I want to go home. Please take me home” Robbe sounds somewhat like what he sounds when he is tipsy.

“Hey, I just want to do what’s best for Robbe” Matt insists as he puts his hand in Sander’s shoulder in a supportive manner. He looks sincere, but it’s not that simple, Matt might be right but Sander can’t do that to Robbe. His gut feeling telling him that they can make it together, the two of them, like always. He can endure it, whatever is waiting for him, he will do everything, and if it doesn’t work out he will eventually drive Robbe to the hospital. But that will be the last solution.

“Since when do you know what’s best for him? How do I know you care enough…” Sander releases himself from Matt’s hand and whispers ‘Come on, stand up, we’re going home’ to Robbe’s ear kindly. The younger boy is completely confused, he is frowning, probably wondering what he is doing in that unfamiliar living room and why Senne, Britt and Matt are there too.

That’s when Senne also takes action by carefully getting closer to Sander.

“Sander are you sure about what you’re doing? This is a great responsibility” but the latter just nods, looking at the other guy’s eyes with determination to show him that he is a hundredth percent sure about his decision. Senne knows very well that by pushing his friend any further he will not achieve anything, so he lets it go.

They both ignore Matt’s persistence and Senne helps Sander get a better hold of Robbe who is starting to ask what’s going on, but as they are approaching the door, Matt suddenly grabs Robbe’s hand.

“Robbe, listen to me…” He lets the boy know with a steady voice and the brunet turned to look at him surprised.

“You overdosed.”

Suddenly a wave of realization hit the recovering boy as he widened his eyes for a second, looking back and forth between Sander and Matt who are both holding him by his arms simultaneously.

“You need to go to the hospital, please listen to me, doctors need to take care of you. Sander can’t do it”

“No” Robbe mattered weakly, shaking his head.

“Trust me Robbe, it won’t be easy for you, you’ll start getting cold and in pain…” Matt continued, trying to persuade the younger boy but as soon as Sander noticed that Matt’s words are obviously scaring Robbe he pulled the younger boy closer.

“Come” Sander finally said solemnly, looking at Robbe only and the younger quickly followed him after Senne held the door open and the three guys left this house.

Sander couldn’t be more furious at the Ingelbrecht siblings. Matt is no better than his sister after all. Yes, he helped. A lot. But was the last part necessary? Why’d he have to twist the knife? Did he really think Robbe would stay there? _Does he think he knows Robbe better than I do?_

Robbe’s hand is cold and shaking, but Sander doesn’t say a thing, he just leads the way to the elevator and gives Robbe a reassuring smile, even though the younger boy offers no expression in return. He just looks lost and the blonde hopes he made him feel better at least, their holding hands never separating. Senne is also at a neutral state, looking at his feet to avoid saying anything. Complete silence is ruling over the atmosphere as they are waiting for the elevator to reach the ground floor.

At some point Sander washes the remaining dried tears off his face when he feels Robbe squeezing his other hand. Turning his head, he meets with the most unbearable look these brown eyes have ever worn. Then Sander gets the signal and comes closer until his lips meet Robbe’s forehead and he kisses it, untangling their palms to hug the younger boy tightly. It doesn’t take long for Robbe to hide in Sander’s neck, feeling embarrassed and angry with himself for doing this to Sander.

“I’m sorry” he says with a whispery voice, letting his body relax completely making the older boy his anchor and Sander hugs him even tighter in return, breathing inside his hair and taking in his smell.

“I’m sorry” the younger boy repeats again, this time his voice sounding muffled as he speaks against Sander’s leather jacket, where his face is covered in the crook of the other’s neck and the blonde makes a soft ‘shhhhh’ sound in return to avoid talking about everything that happened throughout this night. He just wants to enjoy this moment of relief, not really having more to say.

Senne is looking at the two boys hugging and smiles at the intimacy of the moment between the two, he is also relieved with the way things turned out, he doesn’t dare to imagine what it would look like if this night had taken an even darker, if possible, turn. Especially while knowing how much Robbe means to Sander.

A beep sound lets everyone know they’ve reached the ground floor and as they exit the elevator, Sander is aware that they have a long night ahead.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And now you've reach the end of chapter 3! I hope you enjoyed it and thank you for making it this far  
> If you have any ideas on what you'd like to see next, please don't hesitate to share it 🤗
> 
> Find me on Tumblr @anecstasia ❤


	4. Alone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I somehow managed to deliver on time this time haha  
> Here you have it, chapter 4!  
> It's not my favorite ngl, but it works as a stepping stone for more interesting things to come 👀
> 
> I hope you enjoy it!💕

**"You can love someone so much. But you can never love people as much as you can miss them" - John Green.**

When Sander was a child he had asked his father ‘Why did you choose to be a ship captain?’ and his father explained to him that when he was little, he was just like him, wild and free, full of curiosity and attracted to the unknown. He felt the need to explore all there was, all the time and coming from a shipping family, his fascination for the sea grew rapidly, until he decided life there was better than in any land.

Despite this lovely story, Sander couldn’t help but wonder whether his father also loved the sea more than him and his mother, and if this is why he preferred to spend all his time far away from them, inside some giant ship heading to Busan, instead of staying in Antwerp with them to work at the company, or not work at all, for since Sander remembers their family, they’ve always had more money than they needed and less time together than he has ever wished for.

His mother on the other hand, was an intelligent lady from a regular middle-class family, who used to study business at UAntwerpen when she met his father. They instantly fell in love and he would take her to trips all over the world, back when they still had free time. They ended up getting married when Mr. Driesen’s career took off and as a result, his mother ended up running the shipping company alongside her father-in-law, who always bragged about how ideal she was for his son. Some years later, she got pregnant with Sander, who is, to this day, an only child.

Throughout his eighteen years of life, Sander has learned how to live by himself, even if that doesn’t necessarily mean feeling good when he is alone. In fact, he hates loneliness and he hates that even when he is surrounded by people, he still feels lonely sometimes. It's part of the reason why he has given up waiting for his father with excitement to come back from work or for his mother’s free weekend in order to have some company. Because loneliness is still there, after all those years of waiting and waiting for his parents to spend some quality time with him as a family and eventually being disappointed by those moments when they finally arrive, he has emotionally distanced himself from both of them. 

He had always been lonely, the only person that managed to change that is Robbe. 

Meeting Robbe was the key to a new world. Something clicked inside him the moment he met with those warm brown eyes for the first time. His life took another turn, he suddenly had a reason to wake up every morning, looking forward to meeting him after school with the other boys or inviting him over to avoid spending his weekends at home alone, drawing while his mother was busy visiting prospect clients with his grandparents.

Robbe made him feel like a normal teenager, like everything he wished to be. Moreover, Robbe was interesting, he made Sander want to dig further inside his brain, to figure him out and take in his complexity. And finally, Robbe was so… attractive. He had something that drew Sander closer both mentally and physically. It took a while for Sander to understand the latter, but when he did, he tried to tame his desire to touch the younger boy as much as possible. Not because he didn’t want to but because the other boy had made himself clear on the subject. He simply doesn’t believe in love and whatever else comes with it. This way, Sander was left with no other choice but to bury his feelings deep inside him along with his darkest secrets, and only undug them when he is alone and thinking of the other boy. In the meantime, he has tried to date other people in the hopes of getting the brunet out of his mind, but nothing lasted nor it felt right. Sander knows what he wants, he wants a romance full of adventures and passion, similar to that of his parents, only with someone who is not like his father and will not leave him behind later on.

He can only imagine that person being Robbe, his favorite and constant thought, his muse, one of the only things that make him feel complete. However, it was then the other boy started distancing himself from him and Sander’s worst fears got the best of him. After weeks of irregular behavior by the brunet, the older boy’s dedication to find what caused it led up to the events of the present night. It wasn’t till now that Sander had finally put together all the pieces and concluded on the fact that it was his fault too, he shouldn’t have let Robbe get away from him on the first place. He could have prevented it, if he wasn’t so fucking blind and if only he had acknowledged his part in this from the beginning…

_“You know Sander, if I wasn’t so willing to take on the company when I graduated, your father might have spent more time here with us... If only I wasn’t so busy all the time, he wouldn’t choose to be travelling for five months twice a year.”_

_“It’s not your fault mom. He chose to do it.”_

_***_

As Senne drops them off at the neoclassical house in Zurenborg, he asks if Sander needs any help with Robbe, but the blond reassures him for the third time that night that he can manage.

The house is still warm when they get inside, his mother probably left the heating turned on, knowing that Sander will come back late after his night out. He is taking Robbe to the art studio in the attic, which is pretty much his bedroom too as he sleeps there most of the nights. The place where he would beg the brunet to stay any other normal day, in order to listen to music with him for hours and hours without anyone bothering them. It was where he had placed their own little world and where no other person would ever have access to except him.

“Here” Sander says as they finally make it to the fourth floor, after a long period of silence that started since they entered Senne’s car. The brunet sits on the edge of the bed by the window and he sits next to him after they have both gotten rid of their jackets.

“So…” Sander begins without having prepared anything to say. He looks at the boy to his left, their bodies are touching from their knees all the way to their shoulders which gives him shivers. “How are you feeling?”

“I’m ok” Robbe mutters uncomfortably while bringing his right hand closer to his main body, leaving a cold feel in the place where it met with the blonde's skin. Sander turns to face him as soon as he processes the answer and not a second later he meets with the brown eyes that have also turned to look at him. His pupils are dilated and shining, as expected. His head is noticeably shaking a bit as he bites his lips trying hard to focus on what Sander is about to say. 

“We should take a shower before going to bed. What do you think?” Sander proposes, as there is also a bathroom in the attic next to his room and no one else uses.

“Sounds good” Robbe replies with a barely audible voice.

***

It’s nearly 4 am, Sander was scared that they might wake his mother up, but it turned out she isn't at home. He told Robbe to get in the bathtub first while he picks up some clean clothes and towels. He knew that although Robbe seems to be ok now, it won’t last for long. In the morning, he will start asking for his dose and Sander will be living a literal nightmare, unable to do anything more than reassure his friend that he can do it, that everything is going to be alright and then finally they will be able to discuss.

When he comes back, Robbe is already in the bathroom as expected, but Sander’s curiosity is taking the best of him, he wants to make sure everything is alright. So he slowly opens the door and through his peripheral, notices that the younger boy is looking even smaller than he already was, sitting still on his feet in the middle of the large bathtub, having brought his knees towards his chest. Sander really doesn’t have an excuse for entering the bathroom while another person is showering, giving them zero privacy, but after everything that they’ve been through tonight, he doesn’t feel like spending any moment away from Robbe.

“I brought you a towel” he says smiling and the other boy jolts his head, taken by surprise from the figure suddenly entering. He looks vulnerable even though he smiles back for him and it kills Sander, because it is just a kind smile, not a happy one.

“Do you mind me coming in?” Sander asks and Robbe shakes his head ‘no’, so after he hangs the clean towel where it is supposed to be placed, he decides to close the door behind him and come closer to the bathtub, but immediately regrets it as he stands there not knowing what to do while thinking that it was a stupid idea to come in and that he must have made the boy feel uncomfortable by being there.

“Are you just going to stand there?” Robbe’s voice brings him back from his thoughts and the short giggle that escapes from the brunet's mouth is probably the best sound that Sander has heard all day. He has missed this giggle so freaking much, and hearing it from Robbe while he is there with him, in his bathtub, in his attic, especially after being so afraid of losing him, makes it a thousand times more special. Honestly, he doesn’t know what to answer, a blush creeps up his cheeks as he thinks that the actual reason he is just standing there in front of Robbe during such a private moment is that he feels the responsibility to do so. Should he tell the boy the truth, which is that he is there because his mind makes scenarios of all the possible things that could go wrong during a shower?

Eventually, Sander clears his throat and says “You look tired. I just want to make sure I’m here in case you need any help.”

“Right” Robbe looks down where his knees meet his chest and he brings his arms there to rest his chin. There’s some awkward silence in the air until the younger speaks again.

“This bathtub is huge” his remark makes Sander smile again.

“You’re just small” Robbe looks up at him with the most playful pair of eyes and before Sander even manages to react he has a significant amount of water splashed at him, soaking wet his shirt and jeans.

“Rude!” he laughs and automatically takes the shirt that sticks to his skin off. Having no idea what to do now, he sits on the carpet in front of the bathtub in the exact same way as his friend and their faces are so close that he can count each one of Robbe’s freckles.

“Aren’t you cold?” Robbe then asks, pointing at Sander who’s topless.

“A little”

“Want to come here?” the younger boy asks hesitantly and the question takes Sander by surprise. _Robbe is high as fuck, he can’t mean it_ is his first thought, but after another short staring contest, the blonde can’t decline the offer, it’s not the first time they will be naked under water after all.

He quickly stands up and takes off his jeans along with his underwear, feeling a bit self-conscious at first due to the close proximity, although he is the one who gives speeches about bare bodies being nothing but beautiful and pure. But anyway, Robbe is playing with the bubbles in the surface of the water which also helps. When he finally hops into the bathtub, some amount of water jumps out of it making both boys laugh. It is a large bathtub indeed, fitting their two bodies without making them feel inconvenient.

“Have you washed yourself at all since you came here?” Sander remarks as he notices Robbe’s hair being completely dry.

“Actually, no” the boy laughs at himself, yet he can tell that his eyes are still sad.

“Well, that’s why I brought you this guy right here” Sander spreads his arm behind Robbe’s body where a stand with sponges was and grabs an orange sponge. The boy giggles and Sander gives a small tutorial on how to use a new sponge properly before he brings it to the brunet’s skin.

“Oh, you’re going to give me a bath?”

“Yes, if you’re not willing to do it yourself” Sander replies and turns Robbe to face his back and starts brushing there, on his shoulder’s area all the way down his arms.

“Sander” Robbe interrupts him some seconds later.

“What?” the brunet remains silent as he pulls his left arm away from Sander, only then he realizes he was brushing on Robbe’s inner arm, where he probably injects. After the boy doesn’t say anything for a while, his next move is to drop his head and bring his palms to his face, then to his hair and finally he is scratching the back of his neck with his short nails until Sander stops him and hugs him from behind. Bringing his head next to Robbe’s he hears the sniffing coming from the boy. He is crying, and while trying to mute the sobs, he is shaking even more. Sander connects their cheeks in an attempt to make him feel better, but it only makes the crying more prominent.

To be honest, Sander isn’t sure what exactly caused Robbe’s breakdown until the boy admitted it.

“Why are you so good to me? All I do is drag you to my shit” he asked between sobs.

“No, you don’t. Stop thinking about this now, we are having fun” Sander tells him, trying to make him feel better while stroking his hair.

“I’m bad for you. Your mother was right when she told you that you shouldn’t hang out with people like me…look at us now.”

“That was years ago and she was wrong. You’re a great person, Robbe, she has no idea. She can’t see what I see. No one can. Remember that.” Sander holds his petite body tightly.

“I can’t see it either”

“Don’t say that…” Sander dies a little every time Robbe talks that way about himself. So far, everyone on his life has mistreated him, from his parents to his friends, no one ever really cared about how he feels, no one helped him. Since he was fourteen he had been drinking and smoking, it helped him escape the cruelty of reality. Then he stepped up his game, trying soft drugs at parties. Sander hated it, he tried to act cool with it at first but he really couldn’t. The more he tried to keep Robbe away from it though, the more he was becoming uncontrollable and by pushing Sander away, the younger boy ended up fighting a battle all alone.

***

Sander’s extreme exhaustion caused by last night’s events lead to him having one of the deepest sleeps of his lifetime. The fact that he was also next to Robbe helped a lot, feeling the boy’s heartbeat against his palm was reassuring him that he is still there with him, safe and breathing.

Peace never lasts for long though.

The clock shows 8 am when the blonde wakes up to the bed shaking, it is Robbe’s legs bouncing against the mattress. Sander quickly opens his eyes and stands up over him, his head is full of sweat dripping off his face and hair, his eyes are tightly shut and muffled groans are leaving his mouth as he is gripping on his pillow.

“Are you ok?” Sander asks worried.

“No, it fucking hurts” Robbe cries with his face buried on the bed as he continues to forcefully move his legs towards every direction. Sander was prepared for when the withdrawal would start kicking in of course, but it is definitely harder to be there for someone in that condition in practice than in theory.

It hurt in a whole different way for him, as hours passed with Robbe crying and begging him to make it stop, to give him a little something that would reduce the pain, or even a dose promising that he will stop it gradually and not go cold turkey because he is suffering.

His muscles hurt and he felt sick, Sander brought wet towels for him and washed his face multiple times while he kept sweating as if all liquids from inside his body were trying to come out and Sander kept making him drink water to avoid the danger of dehydration.

He never left from his side even when Robbe started kicking because the horrible sensation was driving him nuts, he said things that they both knew he didn’t mean. He said that he hates Sander. He said it multiple times, but the blonde tried to not let it get to his brain, not even when he heard the phrase ‘You’re killing me! Let me go Sander’ or even worse when the boy said ‘I shouldn’t come here, Matt was right, you can’t help me’. After those words Sander actually started doubting whether he can make it, whether he is good for Robbe at all, for he has been there for two hours now and the boy is only getting worse. Towels and tissues aren’t enough to absorb the liquids running from his face, it’s the most heartbreaking thing Sander has ever seen. This whole situation is messing with his brain and he often finds himself on the verge of tears.

“Please give me some” he whispers as he grabs Sander’s shirt.

“I don’t have any Robbe, fuck, you know I don’t” if he had, he would have given it to him. If he could avoid seeing his friend in so much pain, he would have heard him from the beginning and settled with reducing the shots to get him clean gradually instead of this.

“I do” the brunet replies with no hesitation “…in my jacket. Please Sander, I promise you can help me if you just give it to me now” and pain can be heard through the way he talks, unable to open his mouth all the way and pronounce the words properly.

“Please, I hurt so much” the boy insists looking right inside Sander’s eyes, choking on his own tears. How could he say no? Every person who had a soul wouldn't be able to just stay there and keep watching their closest friend suffering. Even if he tried to shake the thought out of his mind it was impossible to ignore the devastated boy next to him.

"Please" the boy pulled his shirt again, using all his strength.

“Ok” Sander agrees with an exhausted voice, not even sure of what he agreed to, his eyes are wide open looking at the ceiling while trying to process what is about to happen. How he made Robbe go through all of this for nothing, how he is about to accede and how he is about to do something he never could imagine himself doing, just because his weakness for Robbe is far greater than any sensible reasoning.

So he stands up and Robbe lies abruptly with his head down the mattress waiting for him, as satisfied as one can be while having every single one of their pores aching. Sander returns with the shot in his hand and the other eagerly offers him his arm, displaying its inner part.

“I can’t do it” Sander is shaking.

“Of course you can, do it Sander!” Robbe almost screams, full of anticipation.

“No…” the blonde shakes his head.

“Give it to me!” the brunet grabs it. His addiction is turning him to a version of himself that Sander is scared to aknowledge, how is this the boy that splashed him with water in the bathroom some hours ago? Sander feels that he is loosing his only company, unable to move as he is watching him while he gets his vein ready to get injected by hitting it and before Sander manages to react, Robbe makes a sound of pleasure as his head falls back and the heroin rushes inside him.

“What the fuck, Robbe” Sander’s shocked voice echoes through the boy’s dizzy brain that gets filled with pleasure. All the pain finally goes away, he feels light, he’s happy, he can smile again. But Sander can’t say the same for himself, witnessing his childhood friend doing this to himself, the innocent young boy that used to laugh because he was happy and not because he was on opioids. He feels defeated.

“Thank you” he feels a light touch on his leg as he is standing on that bed like an idiot who didn't manage to do this one thing he had planned in order to help his friend. He just hopes that this time his plan is going to work, because if it doesn't, he is not willing to be the one to help Robbe stop drugs over night. He just proved to be uncapable of doing it, his empathy for the boy too much to let him bounce his legs and scratch himself till the substances leave his body.

It was brutal, everytime Robbe groaned he hurted too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for making it this far 🤗  
> I hope you liked it, I'm a bit insecure about this chapter tbh. Please tell me if you expected it to be this way and share your predictions regarding the next chapter! I'm looking forward to reading your opinions and ideas! 
> 
> You can also find me on tumblr @anecstasia ❤

**Author's Note:**

> Soooo this is my first fic ever and I am not sure what I'm doing but I wanted to give it a try!  
> I hope you liked it, but also tell me if you didn't or if there's something I can change to make this fic better!  
> I know the first chapter wasn't long and I promise, it's not as interesting as the following ones are going to be, but I'll still really appreciate your advise and feedback on it x


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